Not-So-Super-Hero

We have had friends staying at our house for about a week now, and after days and days of lying flat on my back (because it's the only position I find free from back pain) I have started to wonder if our guest think I am useless - no doubt I am not much fun, but this gave me the idea to give myself a nick-name, something which gives me the license to lie on my back all day long in a guilt-free sort of way.

So until my back gets better, I am calling myself CAPTAIN USELESS. Being Captain Useless is way easier than the typical super-hero because if I actually do something it need only be totally useless and I am fulfilling my mission.

Take yesterday for example, the most useless thing I did was get into the ancient hammock out in the yard which broke and I fell to the ground, pretty useless for a guy with muscle spasms in his back.

Or the day before, I was talked into going tubing down the Ovens river, after my ass slammed into the 3rd or fourth submerged boulder as I floated down the rapids, I figured "Mission Accomplished".

Today I came up with a doctrine of sorts, which I use to explain my plans for the day to anyone that tries to talk me into doing something - I call it the "Zero Agenda Doctrine". Zero Agenda keeps me out of trouble, but it's just a matter of time until I get really bored of surfing the net and then I find a something "more useless" than "just useless" to do and that ends up just delaying my healing.